♥Friday, March 18, 2011♥
Somedays tat i did not update mii blog,
Been having bad mood recently as too muchie things pop up on my mind.
Seem lyk i cant find the real happy mii anymore..
Was asking myself is it worth to keep everything in my heart. Bernard & kor kor they all called tat day,
asking me to go down on the 19 March to celebrate Bernard & Ah Gao bday @ 721.
Really dun feel lyk going,dunno y.. juz cant find back mii mood of happiness.
Mummy been telling mii this & that.. seeing Eugenia lyk tat i feel so useless & helpless..
heart breaks. i suddenly feel so lonely.. shld i put an end to everything seen i'm not happy at all?
Is it worth to make myself so unhappy seen i know there's no ending to us?
Tis question had been in my mind for so long.. but whenever i try to solve things out with him,he'll act blur like nothing had happen.. i'm tired,very tired of all this things.
Saw Uncle William while gg down 530 in the evening,surprise i tot daddy they all here. But they at hougang 682. Uncle ask mii where i change to seen 409 close for renovation,smsed Kathy,she called up say wait till April then directly go to 226 to work.
So,wait loh.. wat else can i do? So not use to not wrking.. more unhappy then usual cuz at least i can use wrk to cover my unhappiness.
But now,not wrking.. i need to force myself to smile everyday so tat no one knows tat i'm unhappy.
All the fake smile makes mii damn tired.
Heard from Simon about what Ah Xiang say when i went genting tat day. Franking more angry with him if only i had beaten him tat day instead of listening to them to cool myself down.
Simon told mii dun do anything cuz everyone know he's crazy,so? Crazy can anyhow say ppl de meh?
I also crazy,can i beat him then?!
Go genting with frds become i'm pros. so damn angry. Interested in mii is his problem,dun cuz of tat everyone uses mii name to tok to him!
Simon ask mii wait for him at 532 after i had mii dinner at 530. But i told him i not gg there cuz i sure beat him if he say again,if it happens become my fault tat i dun give face again.
Got to act lyk nothing happen again?!
Then seated alone at 7-11,smsed babiie,she came down. Then headed to prata house drink chat.
Then headed home take lappy go downstairs seat & set mii four square,then feed mii lovely drumstick.
After feeding them,we went loyang TPK to pray. Then went changi village to eat. Simon ask mii help tabao come down 530,so went tabao 5 packet of lasi lemak. The uncle so nice,give mi free fishcake cum otak. Lolx.. wahahaa heng loh.. then headed down to 530,quarrel with him again. I feel so tired of all this..
he knows tat no ending,but dun wan let go. Dunno wat to do anymore,can only keep everything inside mii heart. Feels lyk turning crazy!
Somehow,not sure isnt due to mii mood,have been feeling down for some time.
I heard abt some kinda sad family story about someone,thinking back of so much things that i'd done.
Some much chances that daddy & mummy had given me & not giving up hope on me.
Feel so sad suddenly,how i wish that they'll scold me or call me to ask me where i am.. or even to ask me what had happen today,am i sad,happy etc?
But,knowing tat it'll never happen again. They no longer knw that the most important support & care by them
is the most important thing to me. I miss the days where they care,love & show concern abt me. Love their scolding & everything etc.
If only time could be turn back,i'll not waste my time.
I wun fight with them,
I wun disobey them,
I will treasure every min & second with them,
Now knowing tat what they did is how much they care & loves me,it's late.
Hopefully they could live long to let me have the time & chances to treat them good.
If only I could have the courage,I really wish to tell them,
I'm sorry,sorry for all the disappointment tat breaks your heart yet your never give up,
I'm sorry,sorry to treat your scolding & nagging as wind tat i'll forget after that,
I'm sorry,sorry for not having the courage to tell your how much i care & love your now,
I'm more sorry for not having the courage to say 'I'm sorry,I love your!'
不能说的祕密，放在心里好辛苦啊！
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