♥Tuesday, March 2, 2010♥
Finally he reply to my sms on the last day of CNY..and after finishing wrk last nite,i was holding onto my hp & been thinking for an hour before i send him a sms.Finally i manage to make myself sms him for a meet up,finally i had force myself to face the fact & knowing tat i'm wrong.To my surprise,i always tot tat he dose not care or bothers anymore after he wanna the divorce. But,in fact i am totally wrong..he still been updated everyday of my informations. I do have many things & words tat i wish to tell him,but the point tat i see him,i lost my words.I do not have the courage to say cuz i know i hurt him deeply.Jia Jia was the excuse tat i brought up for the meet up as i am worried tat if i wanna the meet up,he'll reject. Jia still remembers him,she still misses him. He'd ever told me,Jia will be the root of our R/S and the start of our family.I still remembers his every single words,but... i treat us i am not hurt.I know tat the fault and hurts tat i bring him will never be sure in his heart anymore. Blogging,letting everyone know the happy side,but never mention tat unhappiness and saddness. Reading tot the sms he ever send,"To be able to marry u as wife,i am most happy.No matterwat it takes,i will try my best to give u the best i could. Maybe hardship now,but i belive tat blue sky will come once black cloud have pass. Love u dear and i always will be." And also the chinese sms "He'll never give up on me and always putting me in the first place of his heart,hopes tat i'll not give up easily".Thousand of apologizes wont ever heal the cuts i created in his heart,nothing will turn up the time anymore. The ever happy moments,only memories leave. Feeling happy,sad,exctied or confused? I dun even knw wat i feel. Fooling around hoping tat he'll be jealous and care again,drinking & taking etc etc to make myself numb.. acting tat i was happy.. work till i am damn tired,yet cant get to slp. but now then i relizes all was wrong.. dear knows everything tat i done wrong,knows tat i hurts him.. but...seeing him makes me lost my words.He dun wan to keep in contact,he wanna to erase me off his heart.. i broke his heart,i know clearly how heartlessly i treat him on the day i sign,i know clearly time wont be able to turn back,but i am also clear tat,the many excuses & time tat i brought up my courage to sms him hoping to received his reply yet he did not.. i know he'd given up.. it's always hard to say 'I am sorry,now i know how much u loves me & i am wrong for thinking tat u dun care'. But it's all too late.Wish tat u'll find a good lady who loves u,i know i am not good enough to suits u.No matter wat happens,i'll always give u my blessing & thks u for the care and love given. True it's not very long,but it's deep enough.. Thks for everything Raymond Tay (Ex-hubby).
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